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the skunks of los feliz
9.17.2004
 
The Screen Actors Guild election season is in full swing, and as Melissa Gilbert's Restore Respect battles the background performer's Membership First faction, both sides have mobilized their heavy artillery to bring home a victory.

I know, because I wondered onto the battlefield (Museum Square) which also happens to be my workplace. As I walked up the sidewalk to work, sniffing daisies and enjoying the weather, I was button-holed by none other than Loretta "Hot Lips Houlihan" Swit. She asked me if I was a member, and I replied "With this mug?", and she let me pass.

Okay, I didn't say "With this mug?". It was actually more along the lines of "Ungh ugh glugh glugh". But hey, this was Hot Lips man, and for a man of a certain age Loretta Swit, Morgan Fairchild, and Loni Anderson were the ne plus ultras of big bosomed TV blondes.

And Hot Lips thought I was an actor.

Maybe I should consider taking my "talents" to the big screen. Why keep it all to myself, right? Shit, I've got all the dialogue in the first Star Wars movie (original trilogy, thank you) down pat, so memorizing lines shouldn't be a problem.

And I was an elf in the 6th grade Christmas Pageant.

Um, yeah. Maybe not.


 
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