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the skunks of los feliz
1.26.2006
 
Is it the frigid cold? The ubiquitous complimentary Stella? The Geoffery Gilmore speeches?

Dunno for sure, but attending Sundance often reduces your brain to a barely functioning pile of mush, causing a regression to a form of humor which is juvenile at best, crass and offensive at worst.

Case in point: an anonymous friend and I, during a a Stella-fueled brunch in which I sat for perhaps my best Wireimage photos ever, stumbled upon the hidden sexual innuendoes in everyone's favorite blockbuster Christian fantasy. No, not "The Passion of the Christ". I'm talking "Chronicles of Narnia" here.

Sure, C.S. Lewis is probably rolling in his grave, but we found the erotic imputations of "Chronicles" to be a gold mine of hilarity. The fact that we were sleep-deprived, suffering from mild altitude sickness, and half-crocked may or may not have played a role in the whole sordid episode.

Regardless, without further ado, here are my favorite Narnia-related euphemisms for sex:

- Taking a trip to Narnia
- Going deep into the wardrobe
- Parting the furs
- Teatime with Mr. Tumnus
- My dwarf has some Turkish Delight for you
- The White Witch is turning Mr. Tumnus to stone
- Father Christmas wants to give you his sword
- Crawling through the beaver tunnel
- Taking the icicle to the White Witch
- Getting tied to Table Rock
 
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